Everything Wrong with My Old Fanfics

[Lei Wulong]

Recently I did a purge of my old Fanfics off of FF.Net due to legal reasons and sheer embarrassment. Years later I uncover my old fanfic on an old flashdrive. You may have seen me rant about all the bullshit on a Fanfic in chat. So I made this thread.

Anyway without further ado, let's carry on.

[Lei Wulong]

My Little Rose

Publish Date: Circa 2009

Summary: This is a one-shot probably connected to the old RP Mari and I were a part of. Considering that Alece and Lei are reunited after being separated for years.

Bullshit Meter: (On a scale of one to ten with one being makes sense with and ten being just an ass-pull) 4.

My Thoughts:
So the story begins in an odd way. With Lei searching Alece's stuff in his room as he is convinced she came to kill him. However, he finds her diary and reads it.

Lei stumbles upon an entry about Alece discovering her pregnancy. He realizes that Alece knew she was pregnant and then...

"He concluded that she attacked him out of mother's instincts. Alece knew it would kill her and Lei's son if Alece was put in prison. Maybe the hospital let her free because they concluded that she went psycho because her hormonal levels during her pregnancy was so high that she would kill anyone who will harm the infant in her womb, including the man she loved so much."

This passage is just bullshit. Pregnant women don't go attacking people. So apparently Lei bought it. Because then he considers that maybe Alece is here to reunite with him, not kill him.

Eventually, Alece wakes up, and then...

"While Alece was unconcious, Lei had went out and bought her a new pair of glasses and threw away her contacts."

Apparently she has myopia like Elise in the RP. How strange. On top of that, LEI BOUGHT HER GLASSES! WHAT THE HELL! That's just complete bullshit.

Once Alece is able to see Lei, the two kiss and make out as Lei realizes that Alece loves him, and he loves her. They make out for a bit before...

"Lei felt one of Alece's arms slide down his back as if she were feeling the sculpted lines on his back only to realize she was aiming for his revolver. Lei quickly went back to his senses to hastily let go of Alece, push her back, and pull out his gun."

This is actually a very good portrayal of Lei here. He is making out with a killer... And the second she reaches for his gun, Lei realizes that he must be prepared. So this isn't bullshit.

Alece then explains that she was only reaching for Lei's gun to toss it away so be wouldn't shoot her. The two argue for a bit until Alece noticed a picture of herself and Lei. Lei gives out a monologue about how he loved Alece and how much he wanted that woman back. The two make out on the bed together.

"Wulong-San, please..." The Russian clasped both hands over Lei's cheeks. "Make love to me..."

"Right now?" Lei chuckled.

"Yes... please Wulong-San."

"Don't you think it's a little too soon?"

"Wulong-San, we've known each other for more than twenty-eight years... we trust each other enough."

"Yeah, you've got a point there... but I don't think right now 's a good time to have children, ya' know."


That last line is bullshit. I guess I wrote this when I assumed sex ALWAYS guarantees a pregnancy.

Anyway that is the end. It's implied that they made love. All in all, this one was written well. Aside from a fell bullshit moments, this was actually quite enjoyable to read.

I will give it a 6/10. Which is decent enough but still could use some polishing.

[Lei Wulong]

The Phoenix

Publish Date: Circa 2008

Summary: This is basically an orgin story for Alece in the old Tekken RP. Takes you through Alece's childhood into adulthood.

Bullshit Meter: 10

My Thoughts:

Honestly I am not even going to allude any passages. Or summarize this shitty ten-chapter fic.
But basically long story short, this is literally THE WORST FANFIC I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! This story is so awful.

Like apparently Alece gave Dragunov his scars, dated Paul, got raped by Bryan, and she killed Eddy's dad. Oh and apparently, she and Lei were living together for 3 years. ONLY HAD SEX ONE TIME TO GET PREGNANT! BULLSHIT! IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! It's just a trainwreck. Thankfully, years later I write a better story based on this character that isn't total bullshit.

I rate this fic at 0/10. This fic deserves to be forever forgotten in cyberspace. But I must keep it around as a reminder of HOW NOT TO WRITE A FANFIC.

However, the only good thing about it is that it inspired my Phoenix book series. Which is so much better written.

[Lei Wulong]

Like Father, Like Daughter

Publish Date: October 30, 2007 (I WAS 13! HOLY COW!)

Summary: So apparently, as far as I can gather, this story is about Lei having the Dragon Gene (in my opinion, I see it as really a derivative of the Devil Gene) and he is getting hunted down for it and must find the others. It's pretty incoherent at times.

Bullshit Meter: 11!

My Thoughts: This is the very first fanfiction I ever wrote. So naturally I was excited to read it. Then I read the first paragraph and had to stop reading it. God it's so awful. The Phoenix (2009) was a masterpiece compared to this story. Everything was nothing but bullshit! Like c'mon! It was a struggle to read this story top to bottom. I wanted to stop, but I just had to finish.

Alece and Lei make zero sense. I mean their relationship is like very abusive. Lei is seriously going around beating up on Alece. While Alece just smiles about it and stalks Lei... Like this is... So sick. Is this how 13-year-old me think this is how relationships work?

"Alece, I have no time for this..."

Lei punched Alece in the gut and caused her to collaspe on the ground and cough up blood. He stepped inside the door to his house and harshly slammed it while he was at it. Feng walked up to the injured Alece. He helped her to her feet and frowned."

Like damn Lei... I probably was inspired by Brei Yaoi, considering how Lei just enjoys getting abused by Bryan.

Lei does warm up to Alece... But considering that woman killed his wife and stole his daughter, Jackie from him, and raised her as her own because "She loved Lei" like... No. No. No. No! I'm basically like Like Skywalker during The Empire Strikes Back when he finds out that Darth Vader is his father.

Apparently, Lei's Native American cyborg partner (basically a female Bryan running on Windows XP who stutters and has no pupils) is Alece's cousin. Wtf! How? And Lei even romances with her. Well, kudos for me to write a character who stutters, considering that I used to stutter a lot. But it's played for laughs.

To be honest I really didn't read this thing too to bottom. I just skimmed through it. Mostly because everything is so awful. On top of it all... THIS IS A SECOND DRAFT! HOLY SHIT! I APPARENTLY WROTE IT BACK IN 2005! (I was 11) and re-wrote it in 2007 because the 2005 version was shit.

But anyway, Jackie gets kidnapped, goes evil and Lei saves her. Then Lei falls in love with Alece and the story ends with them holding hands as Bryan, Shen(Lei's father), and Nina shoot them both like 5,000 times as Alece and Lei declare their love for each other with their dying breaths.

Then they get surgery and everything is fine. Wtf.


Well, anyway I got to say. Not bad for a first Fanfic. We all gotta start somewhere. I will admit, I love the chemistry between Jackie and Kaitou. It's so great. And Feng and Alece have like a mother-son relationship.

So I give it like a 0.5/10. Just because it's my first fic and I was only 13.

[Lei Wulong]

The Return of The Dragon

Publish Date: March 18, 2008

Summary: This one is more laser-focused and better written. It's the direct sequel to LFLD. It picks up literally 4 months after Alece and Lei die. The plot is simple. Lord Bao-Li (Devil Lei)'s seal is broken. So Shen decides to try and finish Lei off once and for all. It's full of action, humor, and the cast is great. Such a huge improvement.

Bullshit Meter: 7

My Thoughts:

Story opens up with Lei doing police stuff until Bryan appears. Lei basically saves Alece from Bryan and the story starts from there. There is a lot of bullshit in this story. But not as bad as the last one. But the bullshit is all laughably bad this story honestly feels like a parody.

Like for instance, instead of telling your kids that you will send them to Japan for their own safety. Lei has Alece put on a pregnancy suit and tells them...

"Lei sighs. “Okay fine... I'm sending you two kids to Japan, because... Alece is pregnant... and... well...” He chuckles softly. “I am the father... so... the baby is to be okay... but...”

“Spit it out!”

“I'm trying to say... We need some time alone to help raise this child. Alece has too much stress going on right now... we need a break.”

Plus LEI LITERALLY just admitted in the last chapter that he and Alece never had sex with each other before. In front of his two kids... Obviously Kaitou and Jackie catch his bluff. Because... This entire thing makes zero sense.

Really dumb. Another bullshit is the introduction of Zakk, a blind cop who just happens to be Alece and Lei's son who was literally retconned into existence. He was a result of Alece being artificially inseminated.

The real story is more about Alece and Lei's unresolved sexual tension because apparently, after all the shit they went through from the last story, they never had sex. Because Alece was raped and hates sex. Wow. Good job.

But Alece and Lei's chemistry is genuine and I enjoyed every second of it. But them getting cockblocker a thousand times gets old. However I did discover a deleted scene where they actually had sex. But in my notes I took it out because, 'Alece isn't that kind of girl and neither is Lei'. Oh and back when I had very conservative attitudes on sex. Good goly.

And then we get Lei's sex-crazed twin. Cheats on his wife with every opportunity he gets. Even trying to sleep with Alece. And Anna apparently drives a pink Challenger of which 5 adults can fit in comfortably. (Wtf?)

Zakk is blind. INTERPOL LETS HIM CARRY A GUN AND IT'S ACTUALLY LOADED! And then his bullets always miss? What the hell?

Then the whole, Shen was a good guy all along was a stupid plot twist that makes no sense. And neither does Lei's backstory. Shen killed like so many people... But all so he can allow Bao-Li to take over Lei, and steal his soul and seal themselves inside of some magical artifact. What in the actual fuck?

In the end, I do a great job at tying up loose ends, ending the story with a funeral instead of a much needed sex scet between Alece and Lei. But I mentioned that they eventually had sex after they got married in the epilogue. Instead of writing the scene... *Sigh*.

All in all, I give it a 6/10. Not bad at all. It's actually very entertaining if you don't think about the stuff. It was obviously a fun fic to write.

[Lei Wulong]

Project Integra Type R

Publish Date: June 6, 2011

Summary: Takes place 3 years after the last story and revolves around Jackie investigating a mysterious cult that worships Bao-Li. So many women are getting kidnapped and Acuras are getting stolen.

Bullshit Meter: 1

My Thoughts: Being the final fic in the Trilogy, it was never finished. But it had such potential. This is probably the best fic. Like I enjoy adult Jackie taking over. And Lei being taken out of retirement. The plot twist was tasteful and there wasn't really any bullshit except for an awkward sex scene between Jackie and her partner.

I love this story. It's great. Best part of the story is that the unnecessarily racist co-worker was actually working for Bao-Li the whole time. Oh! And Bryan getting pissed off at Alexa for being such a buzz kill. He rips off her head (Alexa is an Android like Alisa).

All in all, I give it a 8/10. It's really great.

[Lei Wulong]

Like Father, Like Son

Publish Date: April 17, 2011

Summay: The prequel to Like Father, Like Daughter. It takes place during Tekken 6 and it literally ties up and fixes every single thing wrong with Like Father, Like Daughter.

Bullshit Meter: 1

My thoughts:
My oh my, 2011 is the magical year. My writing is so much better. This short 10-chapter prequel clears up every single bullshit. Like remember when Alece killed Lei's wife, Izuzu and stole Jackie? Well, it turns out, Alece was actually trying to protect Lei from an assassin, and Izuzu was in the cross-fire. She took Jackie in order to protect her and was going to return her but she got kidnapped by G-CORPORATION.

Also Zakk's conception makes better sense as Lei admits that he donated his sperm to the Mishima Zaibatsu.

Even Bao-Li suddenly makes sense. Gotta say, takes skill to clean up shitty writing. I'm impressed. For that reason, it gets a ten out of ten.

[Lei Wulong]

Big Trouble in Little Osaka

Publish Date: Circa 2009.

Summary: Basically Jackie and her half-brother, Kaitou get sent to Japan halfway through the story of The Return of The Dragon and don't return until the end. This is a spin-off detailing what they were up to during their absence in the Fanfic.

Bullshit Meter: 4

My Thoughts:
This is actually a fun read. Loved seeing Asuka and Lili actually being friends instead of bitter enemies. I love this dynamic. Also love how Lili speaks a little bit of French, too.

However, the bullshit factor happens when I realize Jackie gets kidnapped after school. Then she gets rescued, injured her leg, and freaking turns around and gets kidnapped AGAIN! LIKE WTF? It's become a joke. I just noticed Jackie gets kidnapped all the damn time. She gets kidnapped as a baby, by G-CORPORATION, by Jin, then by Dr. Abel and Lars, then by her grandfather 5 times! Then finally, she gets kidnapped by a cult but actually frees herself.

Poor girl can't catch a break.

Anyway I rate this a 7/10. Though I am really tired of Jackie getting injured and kidnapped. That has gotten stale.

[Lei Wulong]

Miracles

Publish Date: Circa 2010-2011 (I was in high school taking Trigonometry when I wrote this.)

Summary: Basically, my first Tekken-centric fanfic.  It's about Kazuya sending in a spy for the Mishima Polytechnic High School in order to find Jin's weakness so he can take the Devil Gene.  I never finished it unfortunately for unknown reasons.  Probably because I was too busy applying for college and getting my scholarships to finish this fic.  Well, actually, I think it's because I got a new laptop.  And my old one was running on Windows 95 and the files were on a floppy disk so my mom doesn't ground me again for writing Tekken fanfic (actually happened 3 times but I would step it up each time, until the third time I was banned from the internet for 2 months)  Around that time, I started writing original works, starring Alece and Zakk without Lei.  And then a few years later, I started writing The Phoenix Series.  Well, because this fic only had 4 complete chapters, and a half-written fifth one, this one was short.  Without further ado...

Bullshit Meter: 3

My Thoughts:

This story was written very well.  It felt like an actual Tekken story.  Like it wasn't like LFLD series where I just borrowed Tekken characters to tell an original story.  This was me... writing about Tekken for Tekken.  It was very promising, up until the final chapter and the story pretty much got ruined.  Hence why the bullshit meter is at a 3.  The second the main antagonist is revealed to be Alece's sister, my shitty writing caught up to me.  The story honestly would have been better had Alece and Lei not been introduced.

Well, basically, story opens up to Xiaoyu, Miharu, and Jin all in high school together.  And the story takes place in the same universe as LFLD.  As memory serves, I wrote this fic because I wanted to write about the Mishima feud more, than writing about the pointless Lei feud.  This fanfic is my most popular one, and for a good reason.  So then, Xiaoyu's  math teacher gets murdered and then Detective... HONDA!  Yes, Det. Honda is on the case, instead of Lei.  Because Lei is too busy dealing with his dad trying to decapitate him.  

So Xiaoyu, Jin, Miharu, and Det. Honda all team up to stop Kazuya.  Now, Lei and Alece make a brief cameo appearance at the end of chapter 4, which is when this fic took a nose-dive.  And then the unfinished chapter 5 has Lei and Alece leaving Japan because Jackie gets kidnapped for the thousandth time!  Seriously, out of all the fics, Jackie gets kidnapped a total of 10 times!  Though to be fair, she is very frail and is prone to seizures and motion sickness.  But she's also very strong... when the plot needs it.  And apparently, she's also a masked vigilante ninja named Xiaogua Hanamaru (Basically Haku from Naruto cut-paste).  YET SHE STILL GETS KIDNAPPED!

But honestly, this fanfic would be perfect had it not been the unnecessary cameo of Alece and Lei at the end.  I looked forward to seeing Honda, Xiaoyu, Miharu, and Jin do detective work.  I honestly believe that the first three chapters were written closely together, and the last two were far apart, because I see a dramatic shift in tone in the 4th chapter.  There has been a request for me to finish this fic, though if I did, I might just start from scratch since the Tekken lore has changed dramatically in the past 12 years.  

So, I rate this fic a solid 8/10 if you only read the first three chapters.  The fic goes down to a solid 5/10 once you read chapter 4.  Alece is really just so horribly written that she literally makes every fanfic automatically worse.  

Conclusion:  Well, that covers all of my old Tekken fanfiction that I had to take down off of FF.NET due to copyright reasons.  It was a nice blast from the past and I loved how great my writing improved and saw some characters that I put in my original works.  I'll probably do an analysis in my next post on my OC's and how they progressed.